I feel you, But..

I re-read my other post, and several other ones I wrote in my notebook. I didn't mean for anything to come off harsh or mean. I only realised a couple of months ago that the way I speak and what I say comes off as rude or just like a plain asshole. It's not something I really notice until after the fact. 

When I said that people are silly for letting fear control them I meant it but I understand that not everyone is in the same situation as me. So instead of deleting that, I'm going to make my point. What I truly meant was not allowing money control your life. Most people I know live in America ( what is suppose to be a free country) and even though that may not be the case for all the people that live there, at least for now it is mostly true. I've been to other countries where people aren't allowed to voice their opinions or be who they want to be. So to me that means you are free enough. You should focus on your happiness and if that means traveling then focus your energy on saving money and going. Go. A lot of people kept asking me how and why I was leaving and wishing they could leave too. But the reality is they just don't choose to do so. 

Some of those people have families to take care of and of course this doesn't go towards them but still. My dad was a construction worker and my mom was a housekeeper, professions that don't have you rolling in money. As kids my brother and I went on vacation every year and had toys, games and each other. My parents worked very hard to give us luxury in any way they could. This is why I speak on my high horse. I know life is hard, trust me I may come back to NY broke but I really don't care. Money comes and goes. You work hard and then spend it. So really you have nothing to loose. So to everyone fearful of running out of money, I feel you but makes things happen for you. If you have the privilege to be in a little selfish, do so and think big. Have dreams. Don't let money scare you from enjoying yourself. And for those who have less then anything, I hope and pray that you find happiness in the smallest things. 

Granted: Parents 

Grateful: Life


Porira, Plimmerton

Settling into a new home and its pouring rain. I'm writing this after the fact but I think this is the day that made me sick. I got sick for a week and couldn't leave my room. But that doesn't matter now. It was just a sign that I need to take care of myself. Funny enough I spent the first week here just lounging around and doing absolutely nothing and asking myself why I couldn't find jobs. I was basically in denial that things aren't going well for me my first week here but it was just be being lazy and not wanting to wake up early and go do things. 

I originally wanted to write something about nature and the wind but now that just sounds incredibly dumb. The whole purpose of me coming here was to explore the beautiful country and figure out what I need to be doing. I always have too many ideas and no way of choosing which one to go for. I'm finally getting into the swing of things and just realised if I have the privilege to do whatever I want, then thats exactly what I should be doing. Take it day by day and figure it out as it goes on. You can't force life to happen, it just does. I keep forcing the motivation but now I see I don't work well with that type of pressure. Basically Im self analysing my flaws. (Which lets be honest, is the point of these posts)

So, Get up. Go do something with your time. If you have the ability to go outside and be free willing, take advantage of that. Lets see how well I take my own advise. 

Granted: Time

Grateful: Being Alone

A New World.

On January 26th I travelled through time to New Zealand. I arrived on Saturday January 28th. It was a bit gloomy but still breath taking. As soon as you hit the road all you see is mountains, hills and valleys for miles. All the houses are in hills, built beautifully for people to raise their children. I stayed with a lovely family and their huge dog, Shimmer. I had spent the prior months telling everyone I hadn't seen in a long time and the people I see everyday that I was going to set of on this adventure. "By yourself?", they asked, everyone was so fearful of me going to the other side of the globe by myself. It was as if I told them they had to come with me. 

It's strange, putting your fears into others but I think it's something that happens often but we don't notice it. You tell someone why you don't like something or why it wouldn't be a good idea and you start convincing yourself that you too are scared. To me being fearful is just a cop out. Some people don't have the opportunity to be scared or nervous. They are forced into situations were they have do or die. So when my friends and loved ones asked me over and over again if this was something I really wanted to do, I said of course!. I love being scared and awake. It makes me feel powerful, the thought that I can accomplish anything. If my parents can come to a country, in which they didn't speak the language or know anyone or have a job planned out, I could absolutely survive New Zealand with money in my pocket. 

What I am doing is completely selfish and I am Ok with that. I understand that what I'm doing is for me and me only. Which is why I never understood the questions and hesitations. I have made a decision that I am internally grateful for. I know I am blessed and that is exactly why I'm taking this chance. It could backfire on me and I could come back the same person I was in January but I plan on finding out the hard way. What is means to be "alone". 

Granted: Family

Grateful: Air